Being A Leader

“Great job, guys. Get some rest, we will have to wake up in five hours.”

Five hours could be enough, if they had slept at least 10 hours in three days. Each one of them have exhaustion written all over their faces. Being an idol was difficult but Namjoon knew that they shouldn’t complain because they were chasing their dreams, this was something they have to endure. That’s why everyone agreed him and they went to their rooms after wishing good nights to everyone. Except Yoongi. He was still in the studio, so Namjoon texted him to say he shouldn’t stay late and he sit on the sofa. He let his mask fall down in the middle of the night, while everyone was sleeping. This was the only time no one was around so nobody could see the exhaustion in his face. He put his head between his knee and let's a heavy sigh escape from his mouth. He also wanted to sleep but he knew this is not gonna happen because he just has too much things on his mind.

Being a leader was hard. Namjoon feels as if he's bearing the weight of the world on his shoulders. He had to smile every day because he is the one who should be strong, he is the one who needs to give support to the members. Nobody was supposed to know how scary the mask he wear is. When his members having a hard time, he is the one who pats their shoulder because so that they can lean into their leader. Not just a leader, of course. He is also a friend and a brother since they are a family. This was something difficult too, trying to find the balance, when he should be a leader and when he should be a brother. Having fun with them, but also not give them enough opportunity to making fun of so that he wouldn’t lose their respect as a leader. He is the one who supposed to talk with the company and providing a good relationship between his members and the staff. He had to give attention to every details, every expression on his members faces so he could understand easily when something is wrong. Namjoon keep hugging his leg tight. He put his head between his knee and let's a heavy sigh escape from his mouth. He is a proud leader. He's proud of being part of BTS and proud of every of his members.There was just so many things he have to do and this was tiring. Sometimes he didn’t know how to keep going. Of course he wasn’t a kind of person who gives up easily, so he knew he just need to find his strength again.

He was lost in his thoughts until he heard the dorm’s door open silently. Yoongi’s steps were careful, he was trying not to wake up anybody. He didn’t look surprised the sight of Namjoon’s sitting on the sofa again. Because Yoongi was the only member other than Namjoon to stay late at nights even when they don’t have a schedule. He was really hard workind and Namjoon had so much respect to his hyung because of that.

Yoongi didn’t say anything. He just sit next to Namjoon and looked at him. He knew this expression very well.  They didn’t need words. He silently asks him to spill everything out, to tell him what's bothering him. Namjoon usually good at acting like everything is okay, he can fool everyone... except Yoongi. Because they know each other for years and Yoongi knows him almost better than he does. Their friendship was different.

After a few minutes Yoongi gave up and talked slowly. “I’m not gonna force you to talk but you can’t keep everything inside Namjoon.”

“Hyung, you should be sleeping.”  Namjoon was a stubborn guy. He didn’t want anybody to worry about him. They already had their problems, especially Yoongi was working hard so he just needed to rest, not worry about his leader.

“And you should stop thinking like an idiot.” Yoongi sounded angry and Namjoon looked at him with a curious face. Yoongi sighed, turned himself towards Namjoon a bit and looked at his eyes seriously. “Namjoon, I know being a leader is hard. I know you’re struggling to keep up with everything but you don’t understand something. You don’t always have to look strong for the sake of other members. You should let us to be there for you like you are here for us. God damn it Joonie, we are a family. We are supposed to find strength from each other.”

“I just...” Namjoon was speechles, he didn’t know what to say. This was not the first time Yoongi giving him advice but he seriously looked bothered by Namjoon’s thoughts. Namjoon could easily understand how worried he was. “I just didn’t want you guys to worry.”

“You think you are doing the best for us but you actually don’t. If you lean on us, if you show your true emotions, yes we will be worried at first but we will also feel happy to see that you trust us to talk about your problems. Believe me, when members can see how you actually feel and when they see they succeed to make you feel a bit better... This will make our relationship stronger. You need to understand that, Namjoon.”

They sit in silence for a few minutes. Both of them were tired, they were lost in thoughts again. Namjoon repeated Yoongi’s words in his mind again and again. He knew Yoongi was right. He had never thought about that way before. He always thought it would be better for the group if he always look strong but that wasn’t necessary. So he smiled himself and we he talked, his voice was more peaceful. “You’re right, hyung. Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me kid, I’m just trying to do what is best for you and for the group.” Yoongi smiled a little, everyone could understand how much he cares the boys.

“Still, thank you.” Namjoon hugged him with a smile on his face. “I think we should sleep now. I’m sorry for keeping you up as well.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Yoongi waved his hand like it was nothing as he stood up and walked towards his room. “Sleep well, Joonie.”

“You too, hyung.”

Namjoon really slept well that night, even if it was just three hours. His devastating thoughts were gone after a long time and he knew everything will be better as long as he has Bangtan, his brothers.